sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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