I want to stick my p in your. b.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
