Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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