This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
