youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
