do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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