Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
