Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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