Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
