life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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