walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
