i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
