we made out on top of his cat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
