Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
