You're so nebulous sometimes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
