My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
