sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
