If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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