No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
