you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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