So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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