um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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