I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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