Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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