I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
