just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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