it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize