I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
