Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
