I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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