She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
