Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
