i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
