so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You pole danced in your parka.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
