I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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