that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
