Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
