Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it because I queefed?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
