i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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