nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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