I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
