he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
