Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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