after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
