I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
