Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
