i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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