If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
