Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
