I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
