i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize