I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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