Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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