if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
