I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
