she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
