Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
