im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
