I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
