i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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