You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
