My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
