What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
