Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
